Forgiveness
by Mrs. HopeEstheim
Summary: Sometimes, Hiccup remembered, and the emotions came pouring back. SPOILERS FOR HTTYD2. Set an indeterminate amount of time after the film.


**THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS FROM THE MOVIE. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.**

**And I have absolutely no excuse. From the moment that _it_ happened, the first line of this story came to me and everything just fell into place.**

* * *

First, you took my leg…and then you took my father.

And somehow, I still can't resent you for that.

I did at first, for the loss of my leg, when the infection started to set in. My peg leg irritated my stump and made it sore, and it was oozing pus. The fever took hold, and I cursed you. I cursed the fact that you _couldn't save all of me_, and I cursed your very existence. But then the fever finally died out after a few weeks, the infection cleared up, and I was completely _disgusted _with myself.

You were my best friend; you didn't deserve all that abuse. The only reason I had even escaped with my _life_ was because of you—why should I give a damn about just one leg?

You saved me in more ways than just that one, too.

The boring monotony of life on Berk—of life as I knew it—was to eat, dream about killing dragons, moon after the unattainable Astrid, help Gobber around the shop, invent things for killing dragons, and sleep. It got better when you came into my life. It finally had meaning, and structure, and a direction. I knew what I was, what I had to become. I hoped rather than believed that we could change everything, boy and dragon, together. But somehow, _we did_, and it was all thanks to you.

Villagers may be inclined to attribute the success to my charm and talent and flair for adventure…but at least Astrid knows it was all you, too.

And as for Astrid…you helped me snag the girl of my dreams. Who knew that a dragon was the best possible wingman?

You did so many things to help me, Toothless. In the five years since we had met before you took something else from me, you had helped me so much. And for most of that time, I was desperate to repay you somehow, and set my sights on finding another Night Fury. So we explored incessantly, roaming the lands that no one from Berk had roamed in who-knows-how-long…or _ever_. And we ran off together for more exploration as soon as Dad started talking about being the next chief.

In hindsight, sometimes I wish we had stayed. Maybe all the turmoil I felt—sometimes still feel—could have been avoided if I had just heard him out when he first started telling me what it was to be the Chief of Berk…but then, we never would have found Mom.

It was a collection of mistakes and confusion and coincidences that all blended together and was perfect…until Drago's Alpha got into your head.

Bud, you probably don't know how many times I've thought about it. How I could have _done_ something, if I were only stronger. In my pursuit of knowledge, I had somehow missed something, and I lost my father because I'd become complacent.

You see, Toothless?

I've always blamed _myself_ for his death, not you.

If I close my eyes, I can still see it, almost as if it's in slow motion. All the emotions come back as if it had just been yesterday, no matter how much time has passed.

When my mother lifted her head from Dad's chest, I watched the look of terrified desperation change before my eyes to one of endless despair, and I _knew_. I knew he was gone, I knew your flame had been the weapon that had done it, and I knew that the life I had always known was gone…forever.

And the worst part is that I took it out on you. Mom tried to calm me down, telling me it wasn't your fault, but the rage and hurt I felt inside couldn't be tamed.

_How could you do that_? I wondered vehemently, but in just moments, before I had reined in my frustration, Drago had you in his clutches.

As I watched you fly away without even looking back, it felt as though my life was ending a second time. It was just too much to try to deal with on my own—losing my father is something I could have dealt with, in time, but losing my best friend within moments of the first cataclysmic, life-changing loss I'd suffered? It was the worst sort of one-two punch I'd ever received, which is saying something when you consider all the times I've been punched by my lovely wife.

I had held the deepest hate for you for all of two minutes, and then I wanted—no, I _needed_—you by my side again…and you were gone.

Toothless, you're my best friend.

I've told you that countless times throughout the years, but saying it when that Alpha had control over you and Drago was on your back, right after I lost my father _because_ the Alpha was controlling you, was the hardest thing I've ever done. I don't know if you can remember it now, but I was crying.

It was so hard to say because at that moment I knew rather than felt that you were my best friend. Seeing you like that, with no control over yourself, was a fresh reminder of what you had just been forced to do. And I was _terrified_ that you wouldn't hear me, that I would fail everyone the same way I had believed I failed my father. The words were hard to force through my vocal chords and out my mouth.

But I did it. I told you that you were my best friend, despite all my fears, and I'm glad I did.

You snapped out of the Alpha's trance, and then you amazed us all. You showed your loyalty, your power, your fierce protection of everyone—Berkian and dragon alike. I couldn't help but tell Astrid later that they'd do better if they made you chief.

Unsurprisingly, she hit me.

That week, the following weeks, and everything before, during, and since then taught me so much about love, hurt, friendship, and perhaps above all…forgiveness.

There are still days when I look at you, and all the memories come back. You're a constant reminder of what I've lost, bud, but you're also a symbol for all that I found.

You're my best friend. The very best kind of friend a guy could ever have. No matter what else happens, despite everything that already has…you'll _always_ be my best friend. You helped me find who I was when I didn't have the slightest clue where to look. When I didn't even know myself, you showed me the way to what I was meant to be.

Nothing can ever take that away from you, and no one could ever take your place.

I love you, bud.

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**Hiccup and Toothless are my BroTP. I'm absolutely sure of it now. They're just so...I'm completely unable to describe the respect I have for the bond between them.**


End file.
